Things just doesn't go as you wish. Having someone in the family having a near-incurable disease, tots of leaving the house for days is wishful thinking. Even local staying out are unreachable request. Friends has been organising events and all i could do is reject, reject and more rejections to the invitations. Looking at pictures of people of same age group going out of Singapore makes me envy them to no end. Graduation trip, no way it is gonna happen to me. No matter how my heart tells me to rebel, i just could not bring myself to hurt her again.

Sadness, is a frequent visitor to me.

I am strongly influenced by her negative thoughts, who wouldn't? Every members of the family are holding back their frustration. Every day complains of her being tired of living surrounds the house and it never fails to annoy me, no matter how many years has past. Being annoyed isn't the only emotion i felt, seeing her in pain and agony brings immerse sadness as i could do nothing other than staring at her. The helplessness just overwhelmed and guilt straightly follows.

Freedom, how do you define that? I am longing for the day where i could do things to my life using my way, without much restrictions.

Can someone just give me a bear hug, telling me everything is gonna be alright?

Landy, blue dilemma