I know that it concerns my parents, specifically my mom. Is it the guilt i am feeling for going on with what i want and neglecting her in the process?

To be true to oneself, it is really difficult to balance between accompanying her and going for my own stuff. I wanna go out with my own friends, or even alone. The amount of time i am willing to give to her does not coincide with her expectations.

I am not in the mood for care-giving all the time. I cannot be always there for her when she needs/wants me. Basically, i want to live my own life. It is this selfish thought that i have conflicting with the cultivated filial piety in me; not only torturous, but mental draining. It is on a repeat every now and then, the battle as to go or dont go. I wont be happy no matter what i choose, it is a losing battle. 

I miss the times when i felt truly carefree. Perhaps, i am just missing my childhood. Maybe, i am just overwhelmed by being an adult. Above are just one of the many things that occupies my mind.

I do hope that one day, she may recover from all these illness and lead her own life too.

Landy

learning to relax