I, Landy, born in Singapore under the sign of Cancer, 22 this year, Temasek Polytechnic alumni, bread lover, decided that I'm so cool and you're just jealous. xoxo, whatever.

-Nah, it's gone. Dont be sad.

June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 August 2012 September 2012 June 2013 January 2014 February 2014 July 2014 September 2014 December 2014 February 2016

♥Afiqah
♥Jing Hui
♥Nicholas
♥Shaun
Wayne
XX
♥YunRu

Been awhile since i blogged. Due to the modification of interface, Blogger is not as easy to use compared to last time for me. That aside, i really feel like telling someone about how i feel now. Its 1 am and i do not think any human being will be up for me to talk to. Blogger, you are my listener.

Tonight, i spent two and a half hour talking to my mum. At about an hour and a half, my patience starts to wear off and whatever she was talking about becomes difficult to comprehend . I was trying my very best to focus, so as to continue understand her needs and wants. I could finally detect it. It was not an easy feat.


My thumb starting to itch all of a sudden as i am typing.. i wonder why..


Anyway, back to tonight conversation with my mom. I could finally understand why people go to psychologist; they are professional listener. I triggered my mom's red line at the second hour by telling her that its time to stop and i will recommend her to see a psychologist. She totally flipped. I wish i could do something more than just being lost. I tried so hard to think about the next move with my exhausted mind, i was so afraid that whatever i had done during the last two hours will be gone in a second. I could finally calm her by the end of two and a half hours. That feels like a looooong time.

At a point of time i really feel like giving up trying so hard. I really wanna leave this house, leave this place that filled with self-centered people. Then again, who doesn't think for oneself? My contradicting mind is trying to make sense of every information that is received at that very moment. I wanna just go back to my bed and sleep so badly. Why do i torture myself with all those talking session that is deemed as "bullshit" by my sister? why do i try so hard for? I am only twenty, why do i burden myself with so much things that others are not even giving a flying fuck about it?

Just cos i care.

I care about everyone that i wanna care for. I want them to be healthy, in all aspect. I hope i could make a difference, even just a little bit. This desire is not easy to achieve. Just doing it for awhile and im tired. I have no one to guide me along and i have to handle all these myself, I am afraid i am not up to it.

Expectations and standards from my mother is near suffocating sometimes, i wish i could just do away with all these in my life. Somehow, i just could not do it. I don't know is it the time, or the environment, maybe its just me.

I dislike this contradicting mind of mine.



Landy, exhausted.